Of course we all know if Bin Laden's death and the shitload of news and opinions that followed. I have only this to say: In times like these, one's true character is revealed. It's an old saying, but I think it applies given the variety of responses his killing has provoked.
The reason I chose to write about this is because I look back on how I reacted to terrorism on the morning of 9/11 and I cringe. I remember the range of emotions and confusion I felt that morning and I am glad to say I am not that guy anymore.
I remember being woken up by my girlfriend at the time in a very abrupt, panicked fashion which was completely out of the norm.
"Something really bad happened."
For all I knew, this was an accident and I had not yet seen the images on television. Shortly thereafter, a knock echoed from the front door. The upstairs neighbors had come down to see if we were aware of what was happening.
"Did you see what happened? A plane crashed into the Twin Towers"
"Oh wow, that's some cool shit" I said, completely unaware of the magnitude of the situation. I was further awoken to this fact with a punch on the shoulder from the neighbor.
"Seriously asshole, people are dead"
At that point I realized this was no joke. I turned on the TV immediately and like most Americans, my perspective of the world forever changed.
We spent a couple hours watching the news and she called blood centers for information on how to donate. She was always prepared and informed of such matters. I on the other hand paced the television, spitting out expletives, my body language spelling out my confusion and anger.
"Bin Laden did this" she said, quietly and somberly.
"Who the fuck is Bin Laden?!" I asked, incredulously. I honestly didn't know who the fuck this guy was, but I was ready for blood. I was like most Americans.
I saw the images of people celebrating in the streets of Baghdad I believe, and I completely lost composure, continuing my rant in an even more violent fashion. I called people savages. I repeated racist phrases I had just heard. I called for justice.
At one point, I looked over to see my girlfriend gazing upon me in complete shock and disgust. I could tell she was trying to hide it, but it was evident her opinion of me had just been irrevocably altered.
Perhaps the worst part is that I did not care. My anger had obscured all clear logic and critical thinking. I had turned into "one of them" in a matter of minutes. "Fuck you, I am angry! How can you sit there so peacefully?!?!" I thought.
Since 9/11, many things have changed for me, including my perspective, environment and education. In some ways, I cannot believe how incredibly ignorant I was. I can't believe how myopic and arrogant I was. Most of all, I can't believe how confused and angry I was.
Now that Bin Laden is dead, a decade has passed and my anger has pretty much faded away. I've found an environment I love and want to remain in forever. I figured out that I don't know shit, and I am blessed to find just a degree of wisdom and love in any given moment.
I am not the center of the world.
While seemingly trite and pedestrian, these realizations only scratch the surface of my changes, and I recognize they are but a small fraction of what will come. I embrace this and am no longer fearful. I am definitely not confused. However when I look around at my fellow Americans, I see all of the above and then some. Some of these people I have always genuinely respected. What now?
How could so many people openly celebrate the death of another human being? How could we show our children that it is never OK to kill- well that is, unless the dude is as bad as this guy was? How do we call ourselves a civilized society when frat boys are partying in the streets, celebrating the violent death of a terrorist? This is completely absurd to me, and I genuinely didn't understand it. That is, until I remembered how my ex looked at me that morning and recognized that was me ten years ago. I called for blood. I forgot how I was raised in those hours. I showed her just who I was in that moment.
Now that I look in the mirror, I see a different person. I see others differently. I hope others see me differently. Rather than become angry with or despise some of these folks, I pity them. It simply is not healthy or productive to allow such fury to guide our lives.
Those of you that know me, know that I don't usually care what others think of me however I see a difference in personality and community. It is not OK to harbor such anger and hate in times of "triumph". This is not the community I want to live in. I am extremely lucky and thankful for living in an area where not many people celebrated the death of this man as they did in my hometown. I was in my hometown, listening to people literally partying in the streets as the alcohol flowed. From what I hear, this did not happen in Berkeley. Coincidence? I think not. I have found a home here in the bay area.
