So its been a while since I have posted, and I suppose its because I have been spending a lot of time getting drunk with my new roommates. I really lucked out when it comes to these two as we seem to have hella fun together. I suppose the only negative aspect of the situation is that we all drink- a lot. I have only been there 10 days, but 9 out of those days I have spent shit faced. This is not a good thing, as I have been trying to cut back on my drinking, not accelerate it. I have simply reduced it to the house being in a "honeymoon" period.
Anyways, last weekend I partied with them at their favorite bar down the street, along with a number of lesbians. After getting home one night, I get a text that says "Hey babe! My friend thinks you're hot. Can I give her your number?"
I had no clue who she was talking about, so I asked my roommate if she knew who this text was from.
Her response was "she's so and so. She's OK, just your average chick. "
I asked if she was hot and she says, "No, not really. I mean you wouldn't have to put a bag over her head to fuck her or anything"
See why I love my new roomies?
So I told the woman I would be at the bar that night and that I would meet her friend then because I didn't remember her. She agreed, and the next thing I know I am getting texts from another girl, apparently the friend. All day she continues texting me until I got to the bar and my roomie comes up and says "Um, there is a little mix up. That girl that has been texting you thought she was texting another chick. Somehow she got your number instead of the lesbian she was really interested in."
Of course this girl wasn't there because she was so embarrassed, which I found hysterical.
I mean she was making it clear she wanted to get to know the person she thought she was talking to, only to be sending sweet texts to some dude. No biggie, right?
After clearing this up we had plenty of jokes at her expense (after having convinced her to come out) to which she finally got upset about and left in a huff. She was super uptight as it was and to top it off, the woman she was after was not interested in the slightest.
I should have known when she used the word "hot" to describe me that she was confused in who she was actually communicating with- that's not a common word used to describing me.
I think it would have been hilarious if she would have said, "send me a picture of your tits". While I would have thought it was strange, I probably would have complied with her request and sent her pics of my man nipples. If she said, "send me a picture of some sort, surprise me" expecting a hoo ha shot, she would have gotten back a text with a picture of my cock, bearing the word, "Surprise!". Even better, if she said "send me a pic of your ass" and I sent a pic of a man butt?! Oh how I missed out on a wonderful opportunity to "sext" with a lesbian!
This morning I was on the bus and a tiny, tiny little person came on, having trouble even getting up the stairs and into a seat. She is easily the smallest person I have ever seen.
I don't know what the etiquette on little people is, but I am pretty sure you are not supposed to pat them on the head or pick them up, right?
The bus driver was clearly trying to help her as she got off the bus and I have no doubt his intentions were good, but he straight up PICKED HER UP like she was a child, or dog or something. I could not believe my eyes!
Of course I immediately call my friend who is also fascinated by midgets and he immediately says, "Did you try to fuck her?"
I was going to reply with hostility until I realized I probably would have tried if she was younger. This is definitely on my "to-do" list.
Of course he took it a step further and said his fantasy involved dressing up like Mad Mordigan from the movie "Willow" and dress "it" up as one of the dwarfs in the movie and role play.
I think this is why we are friends, despite the fact he is a disgusting Republican. I have known him longer than I knew what politics was, so I guess I gotta keep him around. It is conversations like these that remind me why.
For those of you that love Donald the Scientist as much as I do, I regret to say I have not had many interactions with him until this morning when he asked why I hadn't taken a vacation in a while. "Hey Guy (he always calls me 'guy') I see you here every day, why are you never on vacation?" Random question, right? I told him its because my life is basically a vacation. I then lamented the fact that I won't be able to go to baseball spring training this year because Arizona's punk ass, racist government to which he replied, "You should go on Spring Break like on the television shows. Hot, hot, hot weather AND hot bodies!"
I couldn't help it this time, I started cracking up because he probably has the worst body one could imagine. There is nothing remotely attractive about this man, from his dirty teeth to his awkward gait. Its hard to imagine this man as a sexual being, but he clearly is.
I will have to provoke more interactions with him as my days have been missing him lately.
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