Happy New Year mothafuckas!
December was a pretty crazy month, hence the lack of post. I guess I just haven't felt like writing too much, especially since I have spent most of the last month hungover or drunk. Don't ask me why.
Perhaps its the "new" roomies whom I love dearly already, or perhaps its the holidays, but I have been pretty unfocused so if you know me and see me soon, do me a favor and slap me in the face or buy me a drink.
Today started off in a strange way and nothing seems to be going my way. I was brushing my teeth, and I stuck my toothbrush too far up my throat, causing me to throw up all over the sink. I guess I would be a terrible gay porn star, right? Well that, and I don't take it in the ass. I recently learned of a phrase, "Double Rainbow", which is when a person shits themselves while vomiting, simultaneously. Disgusting. Again, don't ask me why I decided to share.
Speaking of taking it up the ass, we have had a house guest that sort of pops up at our house with mutual friends and ends up leaving with someone or everyone pissed off at him. We'll call him Ross.
Ross is one of those guys who needs every one's approval and will do anything to be the center of attention. He is rather flamboyant, and chameleon-like, as he does his best to acclimate to groups and cliques, repeating phrases and inside jokes whether or not he understands them. For example, as an experiment, a couple friends began telling him he was "collandered", which doesn't mean a fucking thing, but the guy went around repeating it to others, clearly displaying his ignorance and follower instinct.
The guy is incredibly promiscuous and fucks both men and women, but to such an extreme that we charted his sexual activity and realized if you fuck anyone at the nearest gay bar, you are also fucking him. Also disgusting.
He's also a liar.
He likes to lie about almost everything, it seems. For example, we were discussing Michael Jackson and how cool it would have been to just be one of his back up dancers or roadies or something and he comes out and says "Oh I was a back up dancer for Michael Jackson."
WTF?!? Seriously?! You were not. When? Where? How?
He even went on to say he was in the Black and White video at which point we all called bullshit and made him show us on You Tube where he was in the video. Of course he couldn't, but he STILL continued with the lie, saying they cut him out of the video last minute or some bullshit. He even went on to say his mother did his hair and makeup. Not MJ's massive wardrobe and makeup staff, but his mother.
As a sidenote, my roomie just broke up with her GF, who has been behaving like a total jack ass. The day she was dumped she hooked up with a HUGE, and I mean HUGE woman who we will call StupidFace. StupidFace is perhaps the most annoying person one could meet and she weighs more than 400 lbs, no joke. Ordinarily, this alone wouldn't be enough for teasing, but she dresses as if she weighed 120, complete with short skirts and fuck me pumps. I've never seen so much cellulite on a person before. I guess MAYBE, just MAYBE I would fuck her, just for novelty purposes. I would definitely film it and send it around to all my friends, showing them what level I had just sunk to, all in the name of entertainment. I suppose I could even sell it, as she definitely fits into the fatty fetish some people have. I just don't think I could actually get it up! KIDDING. Besides her disgusting physical features and lack of IQ, I love my roomie and would never do such a thing to her. (notice I didn't say anything about personal pride and standards)
Anyways, Ross has been hanging out with the ex and StupidFace quite a bit, while coming to our house as well. Apparently, he has been fucking around with StupidFace, as he told us he actually did get a handjob or blowjob (I cant remember which) from this fat bitch while the ex watched. Yet again- Disgusting.
Loyalty means a lot to me and this guy clearly has none.
Then he turns around and tells me that I am cute until I open my mouth.
I don't think he will be coming around anymore.
Speaking of stupid faces, how about that Elizabeth Smart? Now I know she is a victim and she went through a horrific time, but has anyone stopped to question why the stupid bitch never tried to get away when she could? I remember Chris Rock pointing out a young black girl her same age at the same time who was abducted and then quickly found her way home, miles and miles away after fighting back and escaping. No one discussed this case in the slightest, but as Chris Rock put it, the little black girl from the ghetto was WAY more equipped for the world than this sheltered little white girl.
Also, could it be the chick LIKED what was going on? I mean really, how much different were her teenage years than the rest of ours?
She got tied up by an older guy, fed booze and drugs and then fucked silly. That pretty much sums up my high school years. What is she complaining about?
I mean if she didn't, she would have escaped at some point, right? Perhaps she pretended to be scarred by the ordeal only after homeboy got caught???
I mean after all, she went from one cult like environment to another- now she is a fucking Mormon! And lets have another- disgusting!
Apparently the chick is over in France on her mission, but I could see her getting abducted again or switching to porn in another ten years. Typical. Elizabeth Smart, my ass.
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