Humping dolls, eating cushion and body fluid perfume.

Have any of you seen the show, "My Strange Addiction"?  If not, you may want to check it out while getting high on the couch someday.  The other night I saw one about a man who developed an intimate, long term "relationship" with a sex doll.  I gotta say, it was like watching a car wreck in that sense of knowing you shouldn't, but your brain cells are moving so slow it doesn't make a difference.  This guy straight up went shopping with an "organic" female friend for his silicone bitch sitting at home waiting for him on the couch. 
Of course when he came back with all her new clothes, she had no choice but to sit there with her mouth open; a vacant, apathetic look in her eye.  Fucko didn't care in the slightest as he talked to her, caressed her, dressed her and even did her hair.  Amazingly, the guy had friends who were complicit in his little game, greeting her and referring to her as his partner.  I couldn't stop thinking of him pounding his doll without any consideration to how she feels as the silicone friction caused profuse sweating.  After he was done, he would roll over, light a cigarette and ask her if she came.  She would be covered in his body fluids, so he could take her to the sink and clean her up- OR NOT.
Of course the guy interviewing him could hardly keep a straight face as he probed him into why he would allow loneliness to drive him to such lengths.
It turns out the guy had a childhood fascination with dolls that eventually turned into a fetish.  However after 10 years of "courting", he was able to make her his girlfriend with whom he shares his deepest desires and emotions. 
Now of course while the obvious questions such as sex, social acceptance, emotional aptitude, etc come into play, my immediate reaction was to pick on this poor guy and play horrific jokes on him.  Here are some of my ideas- feel free to add to the list if necessary:

• I could kidnap the doll and hold it for ransom.  I am sure the police would laugh hysterically as he frantically made a police report, attempting to file a missing person report only to be told he could file a theft only.
• Sexually assault it, making sure to make a mess of it and of course not cleaning up after myself. I would have to take pictures and again, I would love to hear the 911 call.
• Mutilate it, cutting off its nose or eyes out.  Since it has real hair and eyebrows I would make sure to shave them as well and of course it couldn't grow back.
• Constantly flirt with it and pinch its ass in his presence (assuming he would let me near her.)
•  Beat the shit out of it.  This would include a loud, vicious verbal attack, followed by throwing it out into the street. I imagine the silicone would be severely bruised. I could say things like, "What the fuck are you looking at bitch?! Stop looking at me that way!  WHAT?!  What did you say, you little whore?! Watch your mouth when you're talking to me!" What could they do? Charge me with domestic abuse?!
• Fill its ass with real human feces.  That would make a wonderful surprise next time he went anal on it.
• Replace it with a male doll.
• Super glue its vagina shut.

Anyone else have any ideas?

Then there was another woman who was addicted to "eating cushion."  As sexual as term that sounds, it is  exactly what it sounds like.  She would tear the cushions from her couch and eat them in little, petite bites.  Why she wouldn't simply procure foam from some other source baffles me.  Perhaps it was the butt funk people left?
She even had favorite colors, as she said the darker the cushion, the more flavor. "The darker the berry, the sweeter the juice!" 
The highlight was a picture of a mangled foam paint brush that happened to be black, so it appeared as if it had been mangled in a flavor fueled rage.  She cried her stupid little eyes out, declaring she let the cushion take over her life.  This person must have some addiction issues that reach far beyond cushion.  I mean really people- cushion?!  IF she gets off cushion now, it will be crack cocaine tomorrow.  There is no hope for this woman.

Another woman for which there is no hope is Sarah Palin's ignorant ass.  I found it hilarious when Tracy Morgan referred to her as good masturbation material.  "The glasses and everything", he said.  I tend to agree.  At the same time, I find myself watching her show, devising ways to infiltrate that family, destroying it from the inside out.  Once Willow is old enough I will make my move.
Oh and BTW, you like how Bristol's talk on sex and abstinence got cancelled due to protest from the students?!  Clearly, the idiocy of such a "lecture" was not lost on a bunch of college freshman.

Then there is Michele Bachmann.  Seriously, bitch- Seriously?!  Maybe we can get these two miracles together for a GOP porn? Dick Cheney could watch in the corner, making snarling noises as he beat his meat. I'd buy it.

Speaking of porn- Jesus Charlie Sheen!  Control yourself already, will ya brother?!  I suppose his behavior wouldn't be of any consequence if he didn't have young daughters himself.  I wonder what they will think of their daddy when they are old enough to read?  The latest story is he wants a house down the street occupied by a harem of porn stars for his pleasure.  Wow.    Shoot for the stars, Charlie.
Unfortunately I predict the kids growing up in turmoil, eventually becoming porn stars themselves after daddy dies.  Good job Charlie.  Still, the boy in me would like to party with him and his friends for a night.

Oh and my favorite entertainer, Lady ha ha is coming out with a fragrance she wants to smell like cum and blood.  I don't think that should be all that difficult.  Come to SF for an evening.  You are sure to leave with body fluids sprayed on your face.  It will be like a beautiful Jackson Pollock painting, only her face will be my canvas and my body fluids will be my paint.  Oh how I love that woman.