So today's conversation with my Indian scientist friend was entertaining as always. We're going to call him "Donald" for storytelling purposes. Donald walks into our break room in his most awkward gait, sporting brown, baggy, polyester pants that appear as though he took a shit in them, complete with a green cardigan sweater similar to the one Kurt Cobain wore in "unplugged". That was probably the last time I watched MTV, which clearly dates me but Donald is a pop culture hound as mentioned in a previous post.
I quickly begin probing: "So what was on MTV this weekend, Donald?"
"Did you see the photographs of Jay-Z and Beyonce on vacation in ---- I don't remember where. They look like they are having a fabulous time with the drinks and the sand. I would like to be with them." he replies (of course in his thick accent).
Immediately, an image of Donald and Jay-Z smoking a blunt and sipping courvoisier came to mind making me giggle. I asked him if he found Beyonce attractive and he shifts in his chair excitedly saying,
"Oh yes, she is a perfect black woman and that ordinarily is not my type."
"Yeah, so what's your type, Donald?" I ask inquisitively. I leave the whole 'perfect black woman' comment alone.
"I like the blondy girls like Heidi Montag before her surgeries" he replies, matter -of- factly.
"HOLY SHIT!" I thought. Now that is an image. Donald and Heidi. HA!
I don't even know what this woman looked like before her surgeries and didn't have a clue who she was before I saw her plastered all over the place recently. What a sad bitch she is- another topic to be discussed at a later time.
"Why do they call him HOVA?" he asks curiously referring to Jay-Z.
"You know I am not sure. I think it has something to do with drug dealing" I answer.
"Oh." he sits quietly for second, pensively looking at me as if waiting to ask a question."Have you ever dealt the drugs?"
"No Donald, that wasn't my thing. I was more into pimping."
His eyes widen as he obviously believes me for some stupid reason. "Really?!"
Just then our secretary walks in and summons him in an urgent tone, and he races out of the room. I have yet to see him since, but I imagine he has spent the last couple hours thinking I am a former pimp. I haven't decided whether I will tell him the truth or not. He is obviously a very gullible man.
Speaking of which, so am I in regards to having bought an iPhone a couple years ago. I feel like I am being bent over on a daily basis. I know its mostly AT&;T but I also wonder how much of it has to do with this fucking phone. I can't finish a conversation if my life depended on it- literally. The other day I tried to call 911 for a man who thought he was having a heart attack, and the fucking thing wouldn't make the call! I had to race into the closest business and use their land line. I swear these things are a joke.
iPhones are like trophy girlfriends- Sleek, sexy, and fun to play with and show off to one's friends. However, when you REALLY need the bitch, its fucking WORTHLESS!
I can't wait to break up with AT&T forever.
Speaking of trophy girlfriends...
So this weekend I finally looked at pics of one of my ex's who ended up marrying this guy and getting knocked up within months of us breaking up. I hadn't any interest in seeing how she was or anything of the sort as she is the only person I have had a relationship with I actively dislike. I wouldn't wish poor luck on any of my ex's except for this one. Sure enough, pregnancy hasn't treated her well.
This bitch is a former wannabe model who put an incredible amount of stock into her appearance when we first moved to the bay area together. It was as if she recognized that in Sacramento she may have been a big deal, but here she is a dime a dozen. That was one of the many things that completely turned me off about her. I wanted to shake her and say "Get off yourself, will ya?!"
Anyways, I saw a pic of her pregnant this weekend and she is fucking HUGE. Her arms look like ham hocks. I find this incredibly hilarious because knowing her, she isn't handling it well. The bitch was the type to make fun of fatties too, so she deserves every comment coming her way. She will probably end up looking like her mother, who walks like a stuffed duck bearing a stupid grin. I can't wait to run into her in public one of these days. HA!
Looking back, she reminds me of a miniature Heidi Montag, but the San Francisco hipster version. She spent so much time on her bitten look that she replicated time and again. She literally wore Ed Hardy shit on a daily basis. She had a "vanity" in the corner of our room so she could spend an hour getting ready. I think that about spells it out.
What was I thinking?!
These poor girls are being pressured and pounded as little girls to jettison their individuality and emulate these little whores who become famous by fucking on camera. Lawrence Fishburne's daughter is a perfect case in point.
Of course it comes down to how we raise our kids. Do we raise them to grow up as sluts (not that there is anything entirely wong with this) or do we teach them temperance? How do we shed our Western sexual hang ups and issues with guilt and religion without crossing the line into American, short sided relationships based on cock sucking and butt fucking?
I don't feel bad for Morpheus for some reason. Something tells me he brought this on himself.
Still, I remind myself daily that I AM NEO. I have dodged so many bullets with women at this point I feel as if I don't have to.
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